Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
