Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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