I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
