It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
