Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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