the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
