She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
