sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
