I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
