Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
not ubering you a puppy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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