And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
