i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
