The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
