If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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