Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
