I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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