It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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