is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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