i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
