we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
