She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
