haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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