The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
