i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
