I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
