A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
