i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
