I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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