Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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