just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just puked most of my soul out..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
