They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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