She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
