none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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