I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
