we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
