Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
