A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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