During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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