I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
