At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize