i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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