I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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