They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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