i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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