You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
