? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
