Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
