Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize