you guys were way drunker than both of me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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