She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
