mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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