I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
