I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize