Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
