I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize