dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
