then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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