Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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