we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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