So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
