i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
