Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
