I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
