i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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