Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
