its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
