I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
