i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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