You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
