I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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