I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
