I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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