I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's the barista slut.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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