FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
