I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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