Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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