im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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